Mandi Safar (second draft)

Name      :  Lina Andriani

SRN         :  1401120996

Subject   :  Writing II/C

Lecturer :  M. Zaini Miftah, M.Pd

         Sampit city has a traditional culture whose everyone swim on Mentaya’s river and it was called ‘Mandi Safar. Not only the society, but the government will join with this one. It was on Arba Musta’mir to reminded about the death of Husain bin Ali bin Abi Thalib who led his army to leave Makkah to Kufah. In general, it was a symbol of unity between the government and the society. Everyone who join the event have to wearing the sawang’s leaf on they head or waist it to protect them from the bad things. There are 41 kinds of traditional cake like cucur, apam, wajik, etc., for everyone after the prayer at the end of the activity. Because the popularity of this tradition, Mandi Safar was an amazing Sampit culture ever.

Sampit : One of the city in Central Kalimantan

Mentaya’s River : The biggest and largest river in Sampit

Safar : The second month in Hijriyah calendar

Arba Musta’mir : The last of Wednesday on Safar’s Month

Husain bin Ali bin Abi Thalib : The grandchild of Muhammad

Makkah : One of the city in Saudi Arabia

Kufah : One of the city in Iraq

Sawang’s leaf : The green leaf with red line

mandi-safar

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3 thoughts on “Mandi Safar (second draft)

  1. 1. About topic sentence, supporting sentence and concluding sentence is clear.
    11. About supporting sentence is sufficiently with topic sentence.
    111. About concluding sentence is macthing with all of paragraph.
    1v. don’t forget about transitional signals in your concluding sentence. ex: in brief, in concluding etc.

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  2. 1. Topic Sentence
    It’s correctly and suitable with the content.
    2. Supporting Sentence
    It’s correctly, but i think it is a short supporting sentence. You should give other supporting sentence to develop your paragraph. The supporting sentences used good grammar and proper punctuation.
    3. Concluding Sentence
    It’s correctly and summarize all of the paragraph.
    4. Coherence Paragraph
    It’s a coherence paragraph and used a transitional signal in your paragraph.

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  3. 1. I think your topic sentence is clear
    2. Your supporting sentence is clear if you’re move your second sentence to sentence five become “In general, it was a symbol of unity between the government and the society. Therefore, Not only the society, but the government will join with this one. Everyone who join the event have to wearing the sawang’s leaf on they head or waist it to protect them from the bad things.
    The sentence six is a little stange you can change with “After the prayer at the end of the activity, already 41 kinds of traditional cake like cucur, apam, wajik, etc.,”
    3. Your concluding It’s correctly and based on the paragraph,

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